Many of the attitudes, beliefs, and mistaken ideas about rape have been with us for centuries. By looking at myths, such as "women ask for it," and "women secretly enjoy rape," from a historical perspective, lead us for better understanding how they evolved. Women are still seen as the property of men, are protected as such. Men and women are still taught to occupy very different roles in today's world. Men are usually in power positions, and women are seen as passive. This socialization process is changing, but slowly.
Rape is a forced sexual intercourse against the will of the victim. Rape is a violent act, not a sexual act. The myth that men who rape women are sexually pathological has begun to be dispelled and replaced with an understanding that rape is an act of anger, power and control rather than lust.
Rape can happen to anyone. Women from different cultures, races, ages, and economic level are all vulnerable. So no matter who you are or where you live. Most rape, and specifically most acquaintance rape, happens between the ages of fifteen and twenty-five. This is the time when young women are most likely to date and therefore are most vulnerable to date rape. Acquaintance rape is not limited to dating situations. It may be committed by friends of the family, employers, friends, past boyfriends, and even husbands. The potential causes of rape are varied and controversial. Among the factors that contribute to rape are: decreased status of women within a society, pervasive media exposure of sex, availability of pornographic materials, especially those involving acts of violence.
Date rape causes many serious problems.One of these problems is how the victim feels about what has happened to her. Often women are not even sure they have been raped. They think maybe that they asked for it, even though they said "no." Whether a woman says "no" in a sexual relationship means that it depends on the woman and the circumstance. Some women mean "no" the first time they say it; others do not mean "no" even after saying it many times. This variation makes it difficult for woman who means "no" for the first time she says it. Some men become desensitized to the word because many of women in their lives do not mean it. Of a man persists in sexual advance after a woman had clearly said "no", she might feel angry, frustrated, ignored, unimportant, and unheard. She may try to make him hear her and believe her by being more forceful physically by pushing him away. She may even scream, threaten him, try to escape, or to resort to physical violence by hitting him to make her wishes understood. Many women do know that they want in a sexual relationship but are treated as if they do not.
One of the strangest things about the date rape is that sometimes men commit date rape without knowing what they done. They think that women really do mean "yes" when they say "no." They think that a woman must want sex if she goes somewhere alone with a guy. They think that if a girl flirts with a guy, she must want sex. They think that a girl owes a guy sex if he has spent a lot of money on her. So, when a guy like this forces his date to have sex, he may not even know he is raping her. He thinks he is just doing what guys are supposed to do on dates.
The recovering after rape can be a very long process. Picking up the pieces of the victims' life after an assault can be the most difficult challenge the victims can ever face. In a relatively short period of time their most fundamental beliefs can be shattered, their sense of bodily integrity, security, and basic justice can be destroyed, and they may question their most important, intimate relationships. But in spite of all this, their lives will continue and it is up to them to put the pieces back together. Recovering from rape is more like being cut. To heal from a rape it is not the traditional sense of healing, such as breaking an arm. As you heal and time passes, the cut becomes less visible.
Many victims of a rape face rape-trauma syndrome that means an acute reaction to a completed or attempted sexual assault. It describes possible responses to an assault, which vary with each individual. Rape victims are shocked and disbelieved; they face the fear that the others will think differently of them if they know they have been attacked. They blame themselves, and they feel the fear that no one will believe them. Being alone and nightmares are another symptoms of rape-trauma syndrome (Parrot, 1988).
Most women who have been raped report that they believed their lives were in danger during the assault. The act of rape confirms a woman's worst fear that when her life is in danger it is possible to be totally powerless to alter the course of events. The body and mind respond in a series of complicated ways based on the person's feeling of intense fear, helplessness, loss of control, and threat. Sexual intimacy can be difficult challenge during this phase. An assault can very easily destroy the desire to be emotionally or physically close with another person, and the relationship does not have to be sexual for the victim to feel uncomfortable. It is important for the victims to give themselves time to become more comfortable with sexual intimacy. They may feel comfortable a week after the assault, or they may be uncomfortable a year later.
It is very important that we are invulnerable to rape. Rape can happen to anyone at any time. Rape prevention strategies help to decrease the risk, but the risk never drops to zero percent. Awareness prevention is also very important for potential assailants so that they know what constitutes rape.
By Terry Shelvy
Terry Shelvy is a Self defense expert and rape survivor. Currently Moderating several online support groups for teens and women overcoming violence, burglary, and rape where the message is the same... "you don't have to be powerless, always carry some form of protection because you never know."
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